RAW STRAIGHT TALK EXPRESS:
SUCK?IT?TOFU PATTY POURQUOI?
Issue date: 5/28/09 Section: Opinions
Real, uber nice, epic, sweet, cool, awesome pwning, epic pancakes and waffles, and super special awesome Aston Martin Ponies. In this edition of the raw straight talk express I will speak about how in west Philadelphia born and raised on the playground where I spent most of my days chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool and all shooting some b-ball outside of the school when a couple of guys were up to no good started making trouble in my neighborhood I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said why so Vegan?
I recently met with the a member of the cast of raw straight talk express, Scott Malcomson, and asked him what he thought about the beef crisis facing Upper Dinning Hall today? And he responded "Rar Rar Rar I'm Scott Malcomson I've got a lisp and I eat Vegans for breakfast; therefore, I get my meat and vegetables in one serving, it's almost liked a stuffed Matzo ball of sorts".
In a previous popular article of Raw Straight Talk I told the story of how we couldn't afford to be vegans during a time of crisis, when eating meat would be necessary for the upcoming draft. Tofu patties, no thanks, tell me why I should eat a tofu patty when I'm raw enough to eat an entire cow. Alive. Hell no. This is no joke, po-po-po poke her face.
As a self-proclaimed cripple and maverick I'd say the worst part of being crippled, is being crippled and a vegan, add cancer to that and you get a recipe for disaster. Yes, I did Relay for Life.
Some people say Scott Malcomson is a vegan hater, but that simply is not true, Malcomson loves vegans, each and everyone one of them, but don't ask him to trust them, especially the obese ones that use veganism as an excuse Girugamesh.
Want to know why Scott Malcomson is against vegans and bullying? Well in England a hoodlum jumped him and took his all beef Philly Cheese Steak in exchange for a cup of tea and crumpets. That is why I believe that America is the best country in the entire world.
As for Expecto Patronum, you can have your tofu patties back. Will Scott Malcomson stop eating pork because of swine flu? Maybe when pigs fly, but until then these pigs will be flying into Malcomson's belly. Yes I bought the Ozone cookbook, not because I'm a vegan but because I support saving the world. Tofu Patty, can you hear me now? No I didn't think so, mastodon, triceratops, saber-toothed tiger, Terodactyl, Tyrannosaurus rex.
As you know, you must declare a major at the end of your sophomore year, unfortunately Union has declined my request to become a Padowan/Jedi Mind tricks studies major. Now for a preview of the next season of the Raw Straight Talk Express: people denying the Holocaust are just exercising their freedom of speech right? Well in the realm John McCain, those deniers should get EXPECTO PATRONUM-ed. I'm Eric Ho and that's the raw straight talk.
-Eric Ho
I recently met with the a member of the cast of raw straight talk express, Scott Malcomson, and asked him what he thought about the beef crisis facing Upper Dinning Hall today? And he responded "Rar Rar Rar I'm Scott Malcomson I've got a lisp and I eat Vegans for breakfast; therefore, I get my meat and vegetables in one serving, it's almost liked a stuffed Matzo ball of sorts".
In a previous popular article of Raw Straight Talk I told the story of how we couldn't afford to be vegans during a time of crisis, when eating meat would be necessary for the upcoming draft. Tofu patties, no thanks, tell me why I should eat a tofu patty when I'm raw enough to eat an entire cow. Alive. Hell no. This is no joke, po-po-po poke her face.
As a self-proclaimed cripple and maverick I'd say the worst part of being crippled, is being crippled and a vegan, add cancer to that and you get a recipe for disaster. Yes, I did Relay for Life.
Some people say Scott Malcomson is a vegan hater, but that simply is not true, Malcomson loves vegans, each and everyone one of them, but don't ask him to trust them, especially the obese ones that use veganism as an excuse Girugamesh.
Want to know why Scott Malcomson is against vegans and bullying? Well in England a hoodlum jumped him and took his all beef Philly Cheese Steak in exchange for a cup of tea and crumpets. That is why I believe that America is the best country in the entire world.
As for Expecto Patronum, you can have your tofu patties back. Will Scott Malcomson stop eating pork because of swine flu? Maybe when pigs fly, but until then these pigs will be flying into Malcomson's belly. Yes I bought the Ozone cookbook, not because I'm a vegan but because I support saving the world. Tofu Patty, can you hear me now? No I didn't think so, mastodon, triceratops, saber-toothed tiger, Terodactyl, Tyrannosaurus rex.
As you know, you must declare a major at the end of your sophomore year, unfortunately Union has declined my request to become a Padowan/Jedi Mind tricks studies major. Now for a preview of the next season of the Raw Straight Talk Express: people denying the Holocaust are just exercising their freedom of speech right? Well in the realm John McCain, those deniers should get EXPECTO PATRONUM-ed. I'm Eric Ho and that's the raw straight talk.
-Eric Ho
Be the first to comment on this story